She wanted, and was considering how, to express herself. She had bluntly blurted out that there was something she wished to speak to him about, and now that he sat quietly, expectantly, she knew not what to say first. All the words she had rehearsed in her mind for weeks no longer sounded appropriate or worthy of being spoken. All the ideas she had prepared now crowded her thoughts all at once that she could not choose over another to communicate first. There was indeed so much she longed to tell him and yet nothing was coming out, as if all her feelings were like a bone she had swallowed such a long time ago that it was more comfortable now to live with it than to try spit it out.
“I just feel so …” she started, trying to spit out this bone, “uncertain of myself …”
She went quiet again, as if having said that one sentence had taken a lot out of her, and she required rest.
“I don’t see why you should be – you’re an accomplished young woman.”
She met his gaze then and smiled. He really did always have something nice to say.
“Well,” she began to reply, feeling like they had conversed enough about her and it was now time to change topics, “that’s because I have people like you who inspire me.”
He looked down and slightly sideways with something halfway between a laugh and a sigh.
“I don’t consider myself inspirational … I’m just bumping along …”
She regarded him tenderly, and knew he spoke honestly: that it was not his aim in life to be inspirational. And it was therefore likely that he had never considered why he may in fact be. And that perhaps she could shed a light on this and let him know.
“I like how you treat people,” she stated simply but somewhat slowly, with the contradicting emotions of wanting to tell him the hundred reasons he was to her eyes the most amazing human being she knew, and the fear that he should know how much she adored him.
(this was a REAL conversation I had with someone. A truly special one because every sentence was an ever-continuing exchange of kindness back and forth)
Words & Feelings 