The reason I feel such joy is because I have known such sadness. One can only appreciate something after having had nothing ...
Once again.
And once again you prove
That you care for me,
More than I expect and hope for
And more than I dare believe.
(Thank you).
How much can a smile say? We could be standing in silence and still, we would be communicating, perhaps unconsciously and unknowingly, as if the object our eyes would look at, and the shape our mouths would take, were all happening under the control of something outside of us. Our mind controls our bodies only so little: one must read the body and all its subtleties to get to the truth. And thus, although you may not speak and share your mind, I will see your smile and read your heart.
i long to speak.
I do long to speak to you, very much indeed; for all the words I wish to say sit on my chest like heavy stones, and make it quite heavy and sore. I will lay bare my heart in front of you; and I will bear you thinking me insane. Who in passion has ever stayed sane?
in its own way.
It was not that she cared about appearances, nor even that she cared about him finding her attractive. But if she could look beautiful and pleasant, why should she not? And as she saw her reflection in the mirror before walking out the door that afternoon, she thought she looked rather nice. Not just that, but she felt it too: that she was as good of a person on the inside as she looked on the outside. That the interior and exterior were aligned and in harmony. This internal satisfaction only enhanced her beauty, because she smiled a more genuine smile, and spoke with a clear smooth voice. Perhaps her satisfaction was enhanced as well by the fact that he was there to see her beauty. And although he would never comment on it, she was sure he would notice how she looked today. She was grateful and happy to be able to look so pleasing for him. She knew it didn’t truly matter, and that it would not change at all how he would treat her – but still, it mattered a little, in its own way.
1sec.
sometimes it takes a second to be brave. the moment of a single breath you can put aside your fears and in that time, so minuscule you can do something you had not imagined yourself doing. sometimes it takes a second to be brave: a second to not listen to anxious thoughts a second to make a life-changing decision a second to reach for what you want a second to hope for the best. that is all you need: one second.
this place.
How can this place not remind of you and of all those kind gestures you have shown me? Memories come flashing through my mind as I walk along these hallways. It was here that you smiled at me, that you asked me if I was alright, that you told me I had done well, that you have made feel infinitely better about myself. It was here that I watched you from afar, with a secret love steadily bubbling in my chest, finding in you always something new to admire, and perceiving you less and less as a human, and more and more as a beautiful soul, a guardian angel. It was here I vowed to myself I would live a life to honour yours. It was here I made the commitment to do for you all I could, whenever I could. It was here my notion all love were first shaken up, as I realised that love can exist between two people despite age, title, role and situation. It was here that my life changed.
a proper good-bye.
You are walking away: you have to go. But as we have not said good-bye properly, I start to follow you, hoping to catch up to you. I know you know I am behind you, yet you do not stop. I begin to question if it is worth it after all – chasing you for a word, a touch … my pace slows down and the distance between us increases, as fast as my disappointment and sadness are increasing.
The only thing is just as you knew I was following you, so do you sense my giving up. Ahead of me, I see you turning on your heels, and with a reassuring smile on your face, I hear you say:
“Don’t stop reaching.”
And then you make your way back towards me. It is then I get it: you were testing me to see how easily I would give up reaching you. And I gave up too soon, and now you are reminding me not to quit – and that even if I do give up, you will always come back towards me with love and tenderness in your heart.
“I just want a hug,” I say mournfully as I feel you arms around me, enveloping me in a warm cocoon of comfort.
After this embrace, our hands interlace, and a slow squeeze before we let go lets me know you love me, too.
And now, we have said good-bye properly.
(This perhaps odd post is actually a dream I had last night. It left a bit of an impression on me as I awoke. The person definitely said, “Don’t stop reaching” – it was some kind of weird, strong message I received. So bizarre. And the hug and squeeze of the hand was so beautiful and heart-warming and cute, and I might just cry remembering this dream.)
a part of each other’s lives.
“I am so happy!!” She exclaimed to herself out loud in the dark and quiet room, as she wriggled under her bed sheets to get warm.
Indeed, she felt great happiness although nothing particularly great had happened. She was happy that they had seen each other – that alone was an abundant source of happiness. The act of sharing a moment in time, of being around each other, of being able to look at one another, of meeting one another’s gaze in secret communication – what happiness! And she was happy that they had spoken to one another. They had given each other the gift of their attention. They had listen to and responded to, interacted with one another: they had become a part of each other’s lives. What joy there was in that.
rebirth.
Upon seeing you, a new energy pulses through my being as if I had been quite reborn. It is the joy – the joy of your life, and of your life in mine – which sets off a new enthusiasm for life. Yes, I am quite happy, quite delighted, quite over the moon, to see you.
Words & Feelings 